Wednesday, April 27, 2005

A "Lady's Man" no more

Bugsy reporting:

So, Csaba and I had our "manhood removal" surgery yesterday. It was an awful experience, not only because it involved the evil vet office, but because we were separated from the rest of our pack, our mom and dad.

When we got to the vet's office, I thought, "Oh, another chance to get weighed, showing how trim I've remained and how fat Csaba has gotten." But instead, our mom and the vet's assistant led us to a prison block and we were put behind bars in one of the cells! Fortunately, Csaba and I were put in the same cell together, where we could immediately begin plotting our escape.

Escape proved to be unsuccessful as the vet's assistant soon caught on to our plan and injected us with some kind of memory loss substance. I'm not sure what happened next, but I remember slowly waking up with no Csaba around. Was he being interrogated about our latest attack on the pillows in our house? Would he talk? I was nervous, but surprisingly felt calm in my surroundings. I was on a heated waterbed and heard soothing voices. I remember thinking, "This must be some method of torture that I don't know about. They're making me feel all cozy and then they'll get me to open up about peeing on the chiminea."

Soon, however, I heard Csaba crying softly in the next cell. We were soon reunited. He said, "I tant meemember anytink, but I'm weely tie ed, and I tant det mah tung to doe bat in mah mout." Him being tired and having a rogue tongue was nothing unusual as you can see from the picture below:

But seeing the panic on his face, I told him to just let me do the talking.

Before I could get any words out, the vet's assistant asked us if we wanted to see our mom and dad. They must have been able to negotiate our release from prison. Perhaps they had traded us for our brother, Joey the Cat, a/k/a Joe-sama bin Laden. He is the mastermind behind all of our misbehaving, but has remained under the radar thus far. Perhaps they gave him up to save us...

We weren't sure if it was a trick, so we cautiously (and groggily) walked through the prison into a room, where, sure enough, our mom and dad sat waiting for us. They were mighty glad to see us. Csaba could do nothing but sigh heavily, whimpering every time he exhaled. He was too happy and too tired to say anything. I just kept kissing my dad. I was so relieved that we were being released.

When we got home, it was a different story. I slowly began to remember a few things and I remembered that it was my mom and dad who had actually taken us to prison, where I later discovered we had had surgery to remove our manhood. This made me quite depressed as you can see:

Every time my mom and dad tried to explain things to me, I wouldn't hear it. I would give them a "look" and turn my head away. Every time my dad tried to touch me or pick me up, I walked away in the opposite direction.

Csaba was a little more forgiving. He found mama's lap (his favorite spot in the whole world) and cuddled up for a long nap shortly after this photo was taken:

After a few hours, mom and dad put us to bed. I was still a little depressed, but I was happy to be home. We were even reunited with Joey the Cat, who almost looked happy to see us. He gave a little wink like, "I know what you've been through and everything will be smooth sailing from here." And I heard my dad saying he was concerned about me and my mom telling him that depression was one of the lingering side effects of the memory loss substance that had been injected into us. I think she called it "anna's tease ya". How long would it take for me to feel better? Would I be sad forever?

The next morning, things were completely different. My dad came down as usual to make his coffee and I was so ecstatic because I had been having a dream that some dog in the cell block next to us was telling us that attacks on pillows gets you 3 years in prison. That's 21 dog years, you know! But when I woke up and saw my dad, I twirled around, did a happy dance and jumped into his lap while Csaba did the usual orbiting around us with tongue hanging out. All was once again right with the world. But I didn't feel like a "lady's man" anymore...